| [if you're reading this from facebook, click on "view original post", so you can more easily read this! it's awesome!]
Tonight, my brother laughed at my battle with the forces of nature and airport systems this past weekend, in my effort to reach Madison, WI for my final show of 2007 through horrendous snowstorms.
Nammy: u kno how they have that saying
Nammy: "choose the path with the least resistance"
Nammy: you are the antithesis of that
I'll take that as a compliment, despite implying my stupidity. Muahaha.
The following outrageous chain of events is best described in timestamps & bullets, via stream of consciousness.
Saturday, 12/1/07
- 4.00am -
too tired to pack, flight at 9:55am
no worries, wake up at 7am
[set 3 alarms, i usually just need one]
cool
<begin dream>
penguin: hey mami, you know i love it when you call me papi
vudoo: (wtf??)
penguin: what?
vudoo: you're a talking penguin.
penguin: you're a talking human.
vudoo: what are you doing here?
penguin: hey mami, what about you? don't you have a flight to catch?
<end dream>
- 8.38am -
OH SHITTTTTTT
haven't packed yet, haven't packed yet
keyboard, cds, old spice, more clothes, it's cold in WI
call taxi, stay calm, shower later
go go go go
- 9.15am -
[arrive at Boston Logan Airport]
wow that's the fastest i've ever packed and gotten here
nice.
i'm the man.
[flight leaves on-time towards connecting flight in LGA, NYC]
yeahhh. gimme some tomato juice
- 11.00am -
Flight to Madison, WI... "Cancelled."
CANCELLED??
"Sir, there's a snowstorm in the Midwest. The best I can do is put you on a flight to Chicago that might leave at 5.45pm, getting you to Madison, WI by 11.00pm or tomorrow morning."
"Uh, no, that can't happen, I have to be there for a show that starts at 7.00pm."
"I'm sorry to hear that, sir, that's the best I can do."
[runs to check the arrival/departure monitors and back]
"Well, what about that 1.35pm flight to Chicago?"
"It's full."
"Standby??"
"I'm busy, sir. Could you please just take this up with the ticketing counter?"
Could she have acted anymore unhelpful...?!
- 12.00pm -
[at the ticketing counter]
the regular line is so long
nobody's in the first class line
let's... pretend i'm in first class
"Are you first-class, sir?"
"Well, no, but liste--"
"Other line, sir."
stupid line nazi.
let's... just sneak around the line nazi.
go ahead, watch the kids over there...
go go go go
"Hi sir, how may I help you?"
SUCCESS!
[at this point, I tell Leila, the ticketing lady about my show in WI and how i MUST get there between 7-9pm to perform. I give her a CD and sweet-talk as much as possible.]
"Young man, you're an R&B singer?"
"Yes ma'am, I am."
"Alright, well if people know about you in Madison, WI, you must be very good. Let's see what I can do here..."
- 12.45pm -
[Four airport ticketing staff, now holding 6 phones, are discussing how to get me anywhere closer to WI]
"How about we get him to St. Louis? or MN?"
"St. Louis, no way, he'll never make it."
"Flights in MN to WI cancelled..."
"Drive?"
"No no, that's too damn dangerous, look at the storm warnings. He's not gonna make it."
"So he's a singer? Wow."
"Access Denied?? I'm overriding this shit, where's the manager."
"This is just my opinion, but there's no way he's gonna make it."
Vudoo: "What about Jetblue??"
"The only airline not on our system... call'em?"
[I call Jetblue's hotline.]
Flight at 1.45pm to Chicago!!!!
Wait, where? JFK Airport in NYC?
That's like a half hour from here.
I'll take it.
[Provided my credit card info.]
"NO MR. VU, we've got something here!! Cancel it, CANCEL IT!"
"OKAY OKAY!"
[Jetblue hotline lady says card has already been charged.]
"Sir, are you serious?? Tell them American Airlines said CANCEL!"
"Those vultures, they'll just take ya."
"Cancel, Mr. Vu. Cancel it!!!"
[I plead with the Jetblue hotline sales manager to cancel, which he finally does after 15 minutes.]
"Mr. Vu, we've got it."
"Oh NO, Leila, that flight JUST got cancelled."
"Jesus Christ, are you serious??"
"Mr. Vu... okay, this is the best we can do. We've got your baggage transferred to that 1.35pm stand-by flight to Chicago. But there's no guarantee you'll get on yourself."
- 1.15pm -
[Willing to pay someone up to $300 cash out my pocket to bribe someone out of their stand-by seat, I go through airport security for the second time. When I get there, there's 9 people ahead of me. I tell my story as fast as possible to the gate staff.]
"Kid. I don't care how much money you have, that's not how it works."
"I'm not asking you take someone off the flight who's already on, just if these people would let me get in front of them for stand-by!"
"Look behind you, kid. Everybody wants to get to Chicago just as badly as you."
[I turn around. No one looks me in the eye. Bribery plan go kaput.]
"But lady, my bag is already on there."
"So it's going to Chicago. You'll have to meet up with it there, k kid?"
[I call Jetblue again in panic. Just... maybe.]
"Wait a minute, the 1.45 JFK flight to Chicago is delayed??"
"Kid, you better TAKE THAT. Get in a cab, there's zero chance you'll get in stand-by here."
"Right, I see that."
"Get outta here, you might make it. Good luck, kid!"
- 1.40pm -
lines lines lines, i don't do lines!
[cut in front of a dozen people, hop into a taxi]
JFK, AS FAST AS YOU CAN. UHM, PLEASE.
[Booked my JFK Jetblue flight as the taxi driver zoomed from LGA. Once I arrived, I sweet-talked another ticketing lady and convinced her to let me past the gates for the 1.45pm flight, now taking off at 2.15pm.]
I'm here.
2.10.
Thank GOD.
I need to relax somehow.
"You made it huh?"
"Wow, yeah. Got a show in Madison, WI."
"Ah, well, I'm doing some photography at a conference."
"So, I've had like, the wildest morning..."
[I begin chatting with Amy Fletcher, a freelance photographer about my crazy morning. Normally, I don't talk much to on-flight strangers. But we hit it off. One bloody mary after another. Funny to think that I'm chasing my baggage on AA through the air with JetBlue. Buzzed, amused, and, most of all, relieved, we were set to land in Chicago by 4.15pm.]
- 4.30pm -
What's going on
Why does my little Jetblue Flight trajectory thingy show us flying in circles???
Flight Captain: "Everybody just stay calm... but there's a small chance we may not be able to land. The snowstorm seems to have gotten ahead of us..."
- 5.00pm -
I've got people waiting in Chicago to pick me up
Possibly drive to WI
If not, it's cool... at least I tried...
Flight Captain: "I'm sorry to report, the Chicago landing runways are frozen. The plane is almost out of fuel. We'll be headed towards Columbus, OH until further notice."
NOOoooOOOoOOOoooOOooOooooooooooooOOOOOOOoooooOOOOoooooo000oooOOooo
[Our plane is now flying the opposite direction. My chances of making the show are shrinking like the family jewels in California beach waves.]
"Well Vu, at least you tried. I've got family in Ohio. You're welcome to join us."
"No way, Amy. It's not over til it's over."
- 5.45pm -
[Landing in Columbus, OH, I am now hundreds of miles away from Chicago, and hundreds more from Madison, WI. We're given two options: fly back to JFK immediately or find 'alternative travel means' to Chicago.]
there's a lot of angry people here
it's snowing/raining ice
driving will get me to Chicago by 11pm... at best
wow this is really amazing
maybe... i can try to buy another plane ticket somewhere
[I run to every ticketing counter in the airport. Cancellations. Delays. "No purchases at this hour." Denied. Denied. Denied.]
Wait there's a staff person at AA!!
"HI! I'm trying to get anywhere closer than here to Madison, WI!"
"Do you have a flight booked with American?"
"Sort of??? My bag's flying there!"
"Wait, you *are* booked on AA, how did you get here?"
"LONG STORY! I just need to get to Chicago!!"
"Here's the boarding passes, there's a flight leaving in 10 minutes!!"
Through airport security for the THIRD time.
GAHHHH
GO go go GO go GO
Oh No, please don't let that moving plane be mine...
"ARE YOU MR. VU!!!"
"YESSSSSSS!!!"
"Your flight JUST took off!"
"NOOOOoooooooooo....!!!!"
[In my hysteria, I wanted to laugh, cry, and throw up all at the same time. I told Sharon, the bringer of obvious bad news, about how badly I needed to get to WI. At every point, my story just gets longer and more tragic. Sharon felt for me. She then called every other airline staff at the airport to see if there was anything. Meanwhile, I called Vinh Tran, my Chicago homeboi, the news.]
"VINH."
"VU! Where are you?"
"Columbus, Ohio, bro."
"WHAT. Wow. That is seriously not good."
"I just went to get there man, even just show my face at the afterparty! It's about the principle!!!"
"Vu, maybe I can broker this deal. Would you mind performing at the afterparty?"
"Dude, if I even get there, then WHY NOT."
[Airport staff are suddenly jumping up and down over by their computers. Quoi??]
"MR. VU! There's a flight leaving NOW on UNITED AIRLINES."
"PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!"
"RUN, MR. VU!"
- 6.30pm -
there it is, there it is
don't stop running
there it IS!!!
"ARE YOU MR.VU???"
"YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!"
"Right this way!"
[I dashed inside the United Airlines miracle from heaven. Upon sitting down and waiting for the airplane to take-off, I was eventually greeted by a very hot Flight attendant named Rhonda.]
"I've heard you've had quite a day. Tell me about it!"
"(gulps.) Yes."
[Rhonda asked me to sing to her and the other flight attendants. Then they put me on that intercom thingy and had me tell my story to the whole airplane. Sing something joyful, they said. I sang, "Oh Happy Day" from Sister Act II. I got to sit in First Class with Rhonda. My first time EVER sitting in first class.]
- 7.30pm -
the plane is descending...
and... this looks like Chicago...!!!
LANDED. YEAHH!!!!!!!!
Huh???
Wait, where's our plane driving?
The airport is THAT WAY.
Flight Captain: "A little bad news. We are currently stuck outside the airport and cannot load into the gates, because the airplanes there are frozen stuck. It'll be an hour or so, sorry about that."
Are. YOU. JOKING?!?!?!?!?!?!
But of course, everything that can go wrong, will.
- 8.15pm -
Finally, the gate!!!
Goodbye Rhonda, I'll miss you dearly.
Goodbye airplanes, hello baggage claim!
- 8.30pm -
Goodbye baggage claim.
THANKS FOR LOSING MY KEYBOARDS AND LUGGAGE.
No worries.
I have an instrumental CD.
Almost there, almost there...
[Vinh & Thuc, in their BMW rolled up to pick me up. So began the 3 hour drive at 45 mph to Madison, WI. In the gas stations on the way, I bought a razor to shave, did my hair, and ate a sandwich.]
- 11.15pm -
[In the last 50 feet we came within reaching our destination at the afterparty club venue, our car got stuck in the snow.]
"GO ON WITHOUT US!"
"I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU!!!"
[HAHA. I jumped out the car, ran inside to the crowd that awaited.]
Mic, check.
CD player, check.
Red Bull Vodka, check.
[After rounds of astounded hugs, congratulatory card games, and several shots of Patron, I grabbed the mic and did what I came to do after all.]
When things look ugly, I look a little closer.
When things look unlikely, I keep looking.
When things look near impossible, I try anyway.
And when there isn't a way possible?
I MAKE ONE.
Thanks SO MUCH to University of Madison, WI for having me out and being such fun, warm people in such desolate, cold weather. That was the most horrible, awesome airplane adventure I've ever had, and I'm so glad y'all were at the finish line to party alll night with!
In Conclusion...
Vudoo Vs. Everything that Goes Wrong...
TKO!
Vudoo is VICTORIOUS.
And that, my friends, was how I completed my final performance of 2007. Too Legit to Quit, baby. CHEERS!!!
|
